Can so do a 30 point turn!!!

My car..

Can park!!

Work car...

Can park after 30 attempts!!

we knew this...

I dominated the National IQ test.. I'm "above average" but we knew this already... right?!! (yooooooou're so vaaaaaaaaiiiiinnnnnn...)

I can't help feel the idiot however that I sat through 2 1/2 hours of Eddie McGuire's dribble to calculate the obvious!

Well played channel 9, well played!!

"I'll ram your butan"

WANTED...

REWARD OFFERED ($1.75) FOR CAPTURE OF THIS ILLUSIVE SPECIES...

ANY INFORMATION AS TO THEIR WHEREABOUTS (BLACK MARKET OR OTHERWISE) CAN BE LEFT ANONYMOUSLY...

Saints and Sinners

And so.... my Grand Final week has begun..

Monday 1:15pm- drew Dane Swan in the work Brownlow sweep.... strutted around post hat pull like I owned the place and the $50 prize.

Monday 5:57pm- Snort pulled a whole branch off the indoor plant and upon me screaming at him, the little shit dragged the whole branch under the couch to eat!

Monday 10:35pm- chucked a tanty at approximately the Round 19 mark of the Brownlow telecast when it became clear Swan had ruined my night and any hope I had of claiming the $50 or in alcohol equivalent 7.15 vodka and cranberries.

Tuesday 8:29am- strolled into work like "Brownlow..... what Brownlow?"

Tuesday 9:45am- tipped over my saints mug, coffee stained shirt.. spent the day hiding said shirt.

Tuesday 3:30pm- Got three thirty-itis, so took it upon myself to do some fake reading, which involved staring at the document intently.. occasionally turning the page.. on looking back it involved more thought and effort to pull off than actually doing my work would have.

Tuesday 6:47pm- Ate crunchy nut cornflakes for dinner.

Anticipated, significant, future events..

- watch the toddlers and tiaras episode I IQ'd and try to replicate the facial expressions and struts.

- stare at my Thailand ticket for the 708th time.

- eat 75 more m&ms on top of the 175 I've already eaten this week.

- GO MARCHING ON IN...

..... after all 'this is saints footy'!!

valuable piece of information you definitely need to read!

I've been in blog hiding because it's too cold to move from the couch... hence I have done nothing of blogging worth!!

Not that this is of any worth and no you can't get the 30 seconds of your life back that you took to read this... but I've been watching Masterchef and they constantly say the one word I hate the most.... MOIST!! that chicken is delicious and MOIST, that cake is sooooo un-MOIST.... MOIST, MOIST, MOIST!! URRGGHHH!

Other words that I never want to appear in my crossword..

PITS... as in 'gee me pits are a bit smelly'. Note the need for the use of me instead of my.

FANNY... in every American show!!! I know they mean bum but I just can't fathom it being this.

eerrrrr....

It's not vain that I'm contemplating using sick leave so I don't have to go out into society with this pimple is it?! (only partially joking)

zimmer frames and the like!

And so wraps up a week of birthday love! I can not possibly begin to describe the horrific state of hungoverness that I was in on my actual birthday.. safe to say I was corpsed until well into the afternoon and even then proceeded to have a nanna nap about 4ish because getting up was all a bit too much!

Let me take you back to where it all started... in true getting older fashion I thought I would take the classy road and have a leisurely Sunday lunch with Crawf at Pettavel.. see below for what made it's way into my belly (times the glass of champas by 2 bottles).. it was all wonderfully wonderful, it was not so wonderfully wonderful when it all threatened to say hi again later...

Once done proceeded to Edge..

A-bel "gee it's late"

Crawf "it's only 6:30pm"

A-bel "fuck!"

After another bottle of champas and an amount of vodka I can not put a definite number on we trotted up to Wood Oven for some drunken nibbles... when we asked the twat working for a piccalo of yellow.. she said..

"ohh no we don't have those, I'll see what we have got though'..

5 minutes later she came back and said.. "we don't have anything like that but we have these little bottles of yellow"...

I proceeded to cry tears of laughter at the table (snot, mascara and eyeliner all down the face) and in the process of double dipping my turkish bread into the dip bowl, dipped it on the table instead... beetroot covered table.. Ever been asked to leave from wood oven??!! Anyone???!! I gave it a fair crack..

We weren't drunk AT ALL.... so walked gracefully up to Lambys, lasted 1/2 a vodka and cranberry.. into a taxi.. harassed said taxi man by showing him how far my arm would fit through the money barrier.. got home at 1pm.. passed out 1:01pm!

My hangover was made a little bearable by some gorgeous presents and a delightful carrot cake made by Megan "Donna Hay" Crawford..

On reflecting on my first week of being old I've discovered.. (see below for me reflecting)..

1) You bruise like a peach..

2) You become content going to Lambys with mascara down your face

3) Your eyes aren't what they used to be.. staring directly at sunsets become harder

and finally 4) you actually have the thought cross your mind to bring a nanna rug to sporting events...

Stay tuned for the next post about me using Crawf's bday present... a night out in Melbourne.. references to 'crabs', lesbian art and a Chinese piano player who played Beyonce's 'Halo'...

until then..

ex ohh ex ohh

10 degrees

it's 10 effing degrees in Geelong. This week I've managed to wear 5 layers and still be freezing, leave my phone at home twice (8 hours without my phone is TORTURE) AND to top it off unplug my laptop when it's time to leave work, put the charger in my bag, lock up my office, get in the car, get half way home and THEN realise I've left the actual laptop on my desk. It seems to be emerging I do not cope with cold weather very well... nor does my brain!

In the spirit of the weather here are 10 random, useless, bits of dribble for the week..

- I adore that one person who eats the yellow skittles so I don't have to

- I know a bundle about AFL but am going shithouse.. and I mean shithouse.. in my AFL tips/supercoach... I know nothing about the NRL yet am winning the tipping comp I'm entered into, which is run out of QLD where purely NRL supporters tip! Go figure!

- I STILL have not seen Avatar.. is it worth 3 hours out of my life?!!

- got 6 bottles of Sav Blanc for the price of 3. 3 sit empty. May need to go back for more.

- found choc fudge poptarts. Ate choc fudge poptarts.

- loves Callum from Masterchef, the fact he looks like he is going to cry adds to me getting sucked in to wanting him to win.

- Fav facey group of the week "I hate when I'm kicking around the footy and Richmond try and recruit me"

- Drove for 70kms with the petrol light flashing

- SERIOUSLY weighing up the pros and cons of purchasing a 'snuggie'

- The shining... 30 years on is still an effing freaky movie

xoxo

how much information is too much information?!!

I am currently in the process of recruiting a new member of staff to boss around (I'm a fair hard arse)!! Had a resume today and the woman had listed under personal information that she was a mother of two... great, no worries... I have no issue with this BUT why in frigs name would you list their names and ages AND on top of this who the frig calls their child Odin??!!

Thank you wikepedia for the following..

"The name is related toōðr, meaning "fury, excitation," besides "mind," or "poetry." His role, like that of many of the Norse gods, is complex. He is considered a principal member of the Æsir (Norse Pantheon) and is associated with wisdom, war, battle, and death, and also magic,poetry, prophecy, victory, and the hunt."

Is there not a line in Anchorman that says "great Odin's raven??!!"

I picture her practicing black magic?! I shall from now on be including a question when interviewing related to what you have called/would call your children... and yes it will be classified as the new racial discrimination!

And for the record yes, I am aware I have too much time on my hands!

End rant..... until more resumes come in!

Grooooooovin' the moo... or half of it at least!

So it's 10:03pm.... just a few hours short from the time I passed out last night in the DELIGHTFUL Haymarket motel... and by delightful I mean horrifically tacky (see below for the addition to the shower). The adventure of Bendigo Groovin' the Moo 2010 was full of surprises... one of the best days/nights I've had in a longtime.

Kicked off the roadtrip at 9am, 3ish hours later we arrived to this..

We put the horror of the granny nightie shop behind us and decided to have a delightful champagne lunch.. we picked an Italian pizza and pasta restaurant and weren't expecting much!! It was amazing... big tick number one

We wanted to get there in time for Illy so rang the taxi just before 2.. we had had texts saying the line was 4 hours wait long to get in, we just didn't believe it until we got close and saw the 5km long line.... WTF!!!!!! We made the quick decision and said "eff that" (we are alcoholics afterall) and made the taxi turn back around and take us to the pub, which he assured us was the 'rocking pub in town'. A quick walk through produced visuals of pokies and rsl type restaurant set up and we quickly bailed! Town being only a quick walk away we thought we would find a pub to settle into for the next few hours and head back to try GTM later...

45 minutes later we were still walking and by all accounts around in circles. Along the way we found, on reflecting what I can only pray was a bottle of goon amongst other things...

FINALLY... we found a little bar and ordered another bottle of champas and some cake..

Bottle number 2 down we set on our way to find one last pub to have a drink at before trying our luck back at GTM..

We were the only once in the Prince hotel and made friends with Chris the bartender who took it upon himself to make up a cosmo with a twist for us... it was a hideous twist that we could barely swallow... only in Bendigo would you think putting chartreuse in a cosmo would make it delicious #idiot!!!

We bailed on having to drink it and taxi-ed once again out to GTM... walked straight in, no waiting and with 2 bottles of champas, 1 corona, 1 piccalo and a few sips of the 'Bendigo slurry'.

As soon as we got there Funkoars came on and we were in heaven.. nothing beats live Aussie hip hop.. and although it didn't completely make up for having to miss Muph & Pluto and Illy it came damn close to a great start to the music..

We followed it up being squished in the crowd to see Empire of the Sun (wonderful), Vampire Weekend (a little disappointing) danced up a storm to Yacht Club DJs and belted out to Silverchair (Daniel Johns is freakin' AWE-SOME!!!) In between times... I got done for trying to smuggle smirnoff red cans and the man-ish female bouncer saw the one in my bag and the one down my bra... Megs got lucky and got sprung by the male bouncer who took the two cans off her and then slipped her one back on the sly (I DEFINITELY DREW THE SHORT STRAW)!!

So 8 smirnoff reds, 2 smirnoff blacks and 2 dirty festival burgers later I was near pass out stage... which I successfully managed not long after 11:30pm! The day may not have gone exactly to plan but ironically couldn't have planned it better if we tried.

On waking up this morning I promptly realised my body was making me pay for every drop of booze I drank yesterday... The drive home was potentially THE most painful drive ever.... corpsed doing 120kms down the Hume... Megs and A-bel Groovin' the Moo one day, Groovin' the spew the next.

If only all adventures could be so. Bliss!

x

For the fallen

"They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old: Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn. At the going down of the sun and in the morning We will remember them." Laurence Binyon

There is no glory in battle worth the blood it costs.. Lest we forget!

ohh SNAAAAAAP!!!

And so on confirmation from the doctors I have fractured my left ribcage... A quick cortisone shot in the side, handy prescription of panadeine forte and I'm basically left to heal myself for the coming weeks!

I grew suss with the ever increasing lack of walking ability after a fierce footy battle with little brother (unless I've walked into a wall/belted myself in my sleep all evidence points to him)

I hope all my 'friends' who said shuffling at snail pace, hunched over was just a sign that I was getting old feel bad... REE-HEE-HEE-EEL-EE bad!

So thus brings me to my question... or more a statement really... beer/sav blanc/vodka fixes bones yeah... YEAH?!!! Let's hope so because I damn sure am not missing Illy/M-Phazes, Groovin' the moo, Urthboy/Mantra..

I'll be wheeled into the place if I have to...

I may need to re-think waving my hands in the air like I just don't care however!

".. mumma said there'd be days like this, like strain, like struggle, like stress like..

the first one hurt but the next one that followed that hurt a little less .." Illy Illy

Wilde nights

I'm loving this quote.. it leaves me in a tres philosophical mood (and hurts my brain at the same time)...

"it is only shallow people who don't judge by appearances. The mystery of the world is the visable, not the invisable" Oscar Wilde

x

the little things..

It's been a long week to say the least... and it's only Wednesday!!! It's getting sooooo chilly in the mornings and I'm struggling to adjust to very little sun and it getting dark as I drive home from work. I've found some little pieces of heaven to drag me through to the weekend...

coffee date with my beautiful friend Army

my gorgeous family

Mantra's new cd left in my letterbox as a surprise

my little bro teaching me to ride a quad bike

green tea from my mumma's cup

Let's hope the weekend brings some equally wonderful things x

opium!!

I miss you mummo... I miss your cuddles! I miss everything!

..I knocked your perfume off the dresser today and it smashed everywhere, my whole house smells like you..

memories are just never enough some days..

".. I want to walk with you on a cloudy day.. and I'll never stop loving you.. so won't you try and come away with me.."

going to war... tune out now if language offends!

SO I have discovered a little piece of gold... rap battling!! Yes, I know the whole 8 mile thing was years ago and I probably should have caught on way back when... but I didn't so MY BAD!

I've been scouring youtube for the past few days and in awe of the talent that is out there... more so amazed at the talent and how often 'battles' happen in Melbs... I need to get in on some of this action.

It is sheer skill... a gift! Take the time to have a look at some of the stuff out there... you don't even need to love hip hop like me to appreciate it, keep in mind it is all meant in a humourous sense.. all in the heat of 'battle' of course

Here is one of my fav Aussie hip hop masters at work... 360! much respect! Double click on the youtube screen to see the big version, otherwise you will miss the reactions on this little version.

until next time

ex ohh ex ohh

THAT IS ALL!!

Smirnoff black.... that is all for this Friday evening!!!

lil red needs a friend....

so...... the time has come for lil red to get a friend! Which one do we all think?! Would love your feedback, I'm thinking number 2??? ex ohh ex ohh

when a sugar daddy would come in handy *sigh*

It's ONLY $850.... right, right, RIGHT????!!!!!!! Damn you Camilla & Marc!

Alexander McQueen.... a god!! RIP x

I ADORE this clip.... stunning yet haunting!! If this is heroin chic.... I'm all for it!!

".. when the red lights on there's no one at home .."

And so today marked the day I went gig ticket purchasing crazy.... Crawf and A-bel set to be here, there and everywhere in 2010!!

Just to name a few....

birds

Urthboy

Mumford & Sons